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GAMSAT ESSAY REVIEWING!!



 
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xrosebudx
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Joined: 04 Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Location: Plymouth

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:00 am    Post subject: GAMSAT ESSAY REVIEWING!! Reply with quote

Hiya guys,


I was thinking we could all post our responses to the practice essay questions to review each other and get ideas.

I have written quite a few so far but haven't had any reviewed as of yet!

The first question I think we should kick off with is...

Writing test A on the practice test paper -


"Riches are not an end of life, but an instrument of life.

That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and, hence, is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.

Few rich men own their property. The property owns them.

He who knows how to be poor knows everything.

Wealth is not necessity a curse, nor poverty a blessing. Wholesome and easy abundance is better than either extreme; better for our manhood that we have enough for daily comfort; enough for culture, for hospitality, for charity."

Post your responses!!
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xrosebudx
Rookie


Joined: 04 Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Location: Plymouth

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 1:01 am    Post subject: My Essay Reply with quote

Does money bring happiness to it owners?


Wealth can mean different things to different people. If you take it for the literal sense, it means one is comfortable with their finances. A wealthy man would be a successful business owner or someone who had just won the lottery . However, some people regard wealth as lot of family, or good health, or a great career. Wealth being a good thing to them, it also brings joy and happiness. Nevertheless if taken in the literal definition, wealth can bring anything but the riches of a happy man.

We have all heard the story of Charles Dickens's - A Christmas Carol, it is in this book we meet the character Ebenezer Scrooge. He is described as a wicked lonely old man whose only joy is counting his riches, but never spending them. This implies that even with all his fortunes, he is a haunted man of solitude. His money brought him no happiness and it was only after he spread his riches and let his guard down to people that he felt true joy.

In addition to this, people are owned by their possessions. We all take out gadget insurance to protect our prized possessions in the event they go missing or break. We spend more time looking at our expensive phones or computers than we do our loved ones. People feel the constant need to portray a extravagant lifestyle that they just cannot afford. Even in a recession there are people taking out loans to replace a flat screen television, or fancy new car when they just can’t afford them.

Non the less, if you won the lottery it would not come as bad news. Money also brings it’s friend freedom to the table. When the Scottish couple won the Euromillions last year, they where not engulfed by fame and fortune. They paid off the mortgage of everyone that lived in their street, donated their house to a young single mother and bought a young boy a new limb. Providing opportunity for those less fortunate. Some people spread their wealth because they don’t regard their wealth as their only source of happiness.

You will often find that those poorest are the most charitable. Jules Michelet once said “He who knows how to be poor knows everything”. Once someone has given up the dream of one day being a billionaire, they appreciate what they once took for granted. As much as money does bring opportunity and experience to peoples lives, it still cannot bring happiness. The best things in life are for free. Once people realise this, money will no longer rule their lives.
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LilyM
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Joined: 03 Sep 2012
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this was really well written! It wasn't too long or rambly, and you backed up your points clearly with contemporary relevant sources.

Maybe to improve it a bit further you could consider using PEEP- that is to say, Point, (what is your point), Evidence, (use of a quote and/or example) Explanation (explaining your quote or evidence) and then back again to Point (to make sure your work is REALLY neatly concisely threaded together.) It does seem simple, but IMO makes a big difference overall.
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xrosebudx
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Joined: 04 Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Location: Plymouth

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2012 6:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh I've never heard of peep - ill try it out and see how it goes! Thanks for the feedback
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LilyM
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Joined: 03 Sep 2012
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, PEEP was taught to me by an my old english A level teacher- but a friend mentioned she used as an interview technique as well. Very versatile Wink
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LilyM
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Joined: 03 Sep 2012
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

‘If poverty is the mother of crime, stupidity is the father.’

‘Poverty is the mother of crime’ is both an over simplified and generalised view of crime. Crime is a broad term- petty crime could indeed be a result of poverty- but what of large-scale crime? Theft committed by high-flying bankers on a daily basis? To sweep it all together with the same brush and label it with ‘poverty’ is, frankly, nothing short of criminal.

This is not to say poverty does not influence crime- the London riots from last year are a good example of this. Large scale looting and destruction for materialistic gain- and in the most depreciated boroughs- reflect of this. The material want of humans, coupled with the lack of funds to facilitate the purchases desired resulted in the carnage seen. Stupidity also factors here, as individuals burned down homes and local businesses- with no benefit to themselves or society.

There is also more than one type of crime. Crimes against humanity and religious extremism can also be considered here. Stupidity is a running theme- which is why it would be fair to say ‘stupidity is the father’, as a lack of education or simple common sense are obviously lacking. If speaking from a patriarchal society, one could also point out stupidity holds more gravity.

An example stupidity is rape within several African tribes. Infants as young as 3 months old are raped, as it is generally believed this will cure sexually transmitted diseases the perpetrator has managed to contract. The ramifications of this are obvious to external members of society and the west, but if the tribe as a whole perpetuate and believe the notion it will continue to be carried out regardless. For a lack of anything else, it is easier to educate the masses than to rip up the very structure of society.


Side note: it took me 35 mins to do, the planning took longer than anticipated!
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xrosebudx
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Joined: 04 Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Location: Plymouth

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think the way you have written the essay is fantastic, you have good vocab and it reads easily, however I think the structure could be better, you only argue one side of the argument and there isn't really a conclusion. Also I'd get rid of your dashes? Don't really think they are needed.

Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your views!
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LilyM
Rookie


Joined: 03 Sep 2012
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you! I read over it and it did seem rushed. Will attempt another one and argue for the other side as well as add a conclusion. I had time keeping issues writing it, hopefully with practice it will become easier. And you are right, I do have a habit of liberally using dashes everywhere *sheepish expression*
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xrosebudx
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Joined: 04 Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Location: Plymouth

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm terrible for over useing exclamation marks lol
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LilyM
Rookie


Joined: 03 Sep 2012
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's just so fun!

!!!!!
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mendy
Rookie


Joined: 12 Aug 2013
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 4:37 pm    Post subject: Re: My Essay Reply with quote

xrosebudx wrote:
Does money bring happiness to it owners?


Wealth can mean different things to different people. If you take it for the literal sense, it means one is comfortable with their finances. A wealthy man would be a successful business owner or someone who had just won the lottery . However, some people regard wealth as lot of family, or good health, or a great career. Wealth being a good thing to them, it also brings joy and happiness. Nevertheless if taken in the literal definition, wealth can bring anything but the riches of a happy man.

We have all heard the story of Charles Dickens's - A Christmas Carol, it is in this book we meet the character Ebenezer Scrooge. He is described as a wicked lonely old man whose only joy is counting his riches, but never spending them. This implies that even with all his fortunes, he is a haunted man of solitude. His money brought him no happiness and it was only after he spread his riches and let his guard down to people that he felt true joy.

In addition to this, people are owned by their possessions. We all take out gadget insurance to protect our prized possessions in the event they go missing or break. We spend more time looking at our expensive phones or computers than we do our loved ones. People feel the constant need to portray a extravagant lifestyle that they just cannot afford. Even in a recession there are people taking out loans to replace a flat screen television, or fancy new car when they just can’t afford them.

Non the less, if you won the lottery it would not come as bad news. Money also brings it’s friend freedom to the table. When the Scottish couple won the Euromillions last year, they where not engulfed by fame and fortune. They paid off the mortgage of everyone that lived in their street, donated their house to a young single mother and bought a young boy a new limb. Providing opportunity for those less fortunate. Some people spread their wealth because they don’t regard their wealth as their only source of happiness.

You will often find that those poorest are the most charitable. Jules Michelet once said “He who knows how to be poor knows everything”. Once someone has given up the dream of one day being a billionaire, they appreciate what they once took for granted. As much as money does bring opportunity and experience to peoples lives, it still cannot bring happiness. The best things in life are for free. Once people realize this, money will no longer rule their lives.


What I can say it is bit hard to say who is more happier a man with wealth or a poor. A poor thinks that wealth bring happiness but wealthy people think that poor are happy. But only a person know itself that who is happy. Not only that right use of wealth can also bring happiness in both the needy and the rich;s life.
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